Bird shit and her lady

I was sitting on the park bench at the end of Île de la Cité, minding my p's and q's trying to take in some sun, and a lady with several bags made of nylon and mesh asks if it would bother me if she sat on the bench with me. I pulled off my earphones, said yes, and being a small guy, didn't mind at all. There's plenty of space for me. I pulled my stuff over and she sat and put her bags down I notice all of them are a bit stained and maybe her cats or dogs or whatever inside them are dirty so it dawns on me, hey, she must go to the park with these animals a lot. That is nice. She then starts talking to me about random things, saying how nice it was to be allowed to sit, and that the tourists here don't share, and are awful. OK. That is cool, let me put my headphones back on and I won't bother you a bit, I thought.

As she continued to speak about visitors, and how Americans at least come to France for the culture, and at least I am not Turkish or an Arab as they only come to steal, she lifted one of the gym size bags onto the bench between us. She opened the zipper and this horrible black feathered head popped out.

OH MY $%^&*. As anyone close to me knows, I don't like birds really. They can be bright and pretty to hear and see, but I don't want one near me as they might as well be sponges carrying feces and black death. (at least that is what I think about them) This woman then proceeds to open the bag all of the way, and as she does this the crow pops out spreads it wings, which are spindly and only carry pieces of feathers, as it must be molting, and it has no tail as it looks like it has been eaten or plucked, and it poops onto the bag. It was and is absolutely disgusting, horribly so. It looks like a demon from hell, just crawling with evilness and has to be a harbinger of death of some kind.


Now, I am not a chicken and can take most things. I catch all sorts of mice and creepy crawlies and have seen and picked up lots of stuff that would gross out most folks. This thing was wretched, but I didn't want to just get up and leave her. I don't know why, put I thought it would be rude... Side note why do I care about being rude? This thing is the devil - get out!!!! but I stayed. We continued to talk about finding apartments, and how the protestant church didn't help her find one, (?quoi?) but the Catholics control everything anyway; then we moved onto Asia, and how living there is like living in a ball on top a pile of balls and how there is no space and Les Invalides has the most space, then to Starbucks and coffee, and how it is like being in the US, as they are friendly and make good salads. But Americans are not genuine, but kind, while french are cruel and difficult.


She was completely polite and nice, and clean looking, but completely crazy. Alrighty then. I looked at my phone and thanked her for the conversation, wished her a beautiful day, and good health, and got out of dodge.


I am proud that all of this happened using my limited vocabulary of french, which she didn't seem to mind at all, and maybe I was being filmed or someone was pulling my leg, but hey, at least she got to talk to someone.